Jesus of Wollongong

In the single instance where ‘woke’ casting really worked for me, I got to be Jesus in my high school’s Easter Mass in Year 10. The benefits were significant for me. Rehearsals got me out of several maths classes and one double science class, and I got to wear a beard and act like a man of god, which is an extremely fun thing to do. I also enjoyed some prominence in my home town of Wollongong for about a fortnight afterwards (a free strawberry milk at the corner shop). I thought the only way was up for me. How very wrong I was…

Other things did happen in my youth. I enjoyed an emotional affair with Oscar Wilde (though I was never quite sure how he felt about it), my peers and I found a poo in a bra on the basketball courts, and when I moved out I lived in a share house with licentious Marxists. But when you were Jesus as a teenager, what is left but martyred eye-rolling at the horrible idiocy of whatever daily life has to offer you?